


the chill we lost that day

by nyoengland



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: M/M, Promare (2019) Spoilers, promare AU, very slight onesided belame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25980559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyoengland/pseuds/nyoengland
Summary: "When you're gone, I turn into ashes."Promare AU.
Relationships: America/England (Hetalia)
Kudos: 12





	the chill we lost that day

**Author's Note:**

> i recently watched promare for its 1st anniversary and was completely hooked - i've been a fan of trigger for years and this film is a work of art. in the highest regard, i would recommend you to see it.
> 
> obvious spoilers for promare, but it is still possible to understand the gist without watching the film - for people who have watched it, it's easy to tell who is who.
> 
> yes, i purposely didn't cast ivan as the bad guy.
> 
> it's been awhile since i wrote something USUK, so please feel free to drop your thoughts!
> 
> enjoy! :)

The cleanup took much longer than any of Burning Rescue had hoped. 

As Arthur had promised, he hadn’t held back. Promepolis had been subjected to the carnage of the Burnish’s fury in the form of destroyed infrastructure and, thankfully, very little in the way of human lives. After the plight of the Burnish and the plot to save the Earth had been made public, longstanding public hatred gave way to confusion and questions. Whilst accusations and calls for accountability had flown around the city, ex-Burnish and Burning Rescue alike had gotten to work.

For the first two weeks of their operation, Arthur had been assigned to sit inside the fire fighting truck, assisting rather than getting into the thick of the action. Since the Promare had left him, it had also left his body in a more tattered state than he’d ever experienced. Without his previous regeneration abilities, he was a mess. Patching him up had been a monumental task - Alfred had told him that more than a dozen times - and so he was forced to rest before he could begin to atone for his crimes.

Sitting in the cool truck hadn’t just been an idle task, though. He’d learned how to use a  _ mech _ . He’d learned to use an  _ actual  _ one, not Arthur de Alfred. Or vice versa. That’s what Alfred had used to encourage him -  _ “I know nothing can top Alfred de Arthur, but we can’t bring that to firefighting and rescue!” _

Mostly it had been Natalya, switching in from her motorbike to hop into the truck and give him some pointers. Colours from levers to buttons to press, it had been quite overwhelming at times, but he’d managed. She’d been friendly and accommodating in every way possible, for the ex leader of the now defunct Mad Burnish. 

But once in a while, when he felt that she didn’t know he was watching her, there was a little bit of bitterness in her eyes. Huh. Even though Alfred had told him plenty of times how much she had felt for the Burnish even before the incident, he supposed it was natural she resented him for wreaking havoc on Promepolis, not to mention Mad Burnish.

However, on the first day of the third week, Arthur was finally (finally!) given the go ahead to go outside into actual rescue operations after an arduous doctor’s exam. Arthur tried to ignore the inquisitive glances from the doctor; it wasn’t possible that the prejudices against the Burnish could be wiped out within a week, despite Alfred’s dumb optimism. He’d braced himself for a harsh comment, but when he was putting back on his shirt, the doctor had turned and spoke.

“I’m sorry for what we did to you.”

It had made him pause. “Dr. Braginsky, I’m not sure what you mean.”

The doctor cleared his throat once. “I was complacent in the plans to leave Earth. Understand that I didn’t know exactly what the plans entailed, but I wasn’t aware of the full extent of my actions. I desperately wanted to save Natalya from the Earth’s fate, so...I did the things as I did.”

As Arthur listened on in astonishment, the doctor continued. “I allowed, as a result, myself to be complacent in the persecution of the Burnish. I know my words will not undo what we have done to the Burnish, but…” he swallowed tightly, and Arthur noticed his white knuckles hold onto his desk tighter. “I’m sorry for all I’ve done, and everything I have failed to stop.”

To that, Arthur stood up abruptly from the cold plastic chair. He tried to search in the depths of his heart for a warm, forgiving word, but could find nothing but disgust and resentment. For another moment, he strained to say something conciliatory - the former Burnish and the rest of the general populace had tried this tack - but what came out of his mouth wouldn’t have disappointed his Mad Burnish self.

“It’s easy for you to apologise when you didn’t watch countless other  _ human beings  _ fade into ashes right underneath your feet. I won’t forgive you for your empty words. I’ll only forgive you if you devote yourself to helping as many of the Burnish that you almost  _ destroyed _ .” Taking a ragged breath, he swivelled around to face the doctor, conjuring up the vision of that awful ship, the screams of his fellow Burnish, the relentless agony tearing his core with reckless abandon. “We’ll carry the scars of our discrimination and isolation for the rest of our lives.  _ No words of consolation will fix that _ !”

Disdain searing at the back of his eyes, Arthur took off. Past the massive red truck of the Burning Rescue, the polished silver pole, the beaming photos of Burning Rescue, the equipment strewn about. Past the streets he was once forbidden to step foot on, past the surprised onlookers that used to look at his form with hatred. On and on and on, until he felt the cool water of the lake underneath his fingertips. 

Sliding past his wrists, enveloping his arms, engulfing his chest. Without lament, he gave himself to the peace the lake had afforded him.

* * *

“What? What  _ happened? _ ”

If it weren’t for the stricken expression on Alfred’s face, he would have caused laughter within the Burning Rescue crew. His muscular torso was stuck inside and outside his uniform - which seemed flimsy and vulnerable in contrast - and his harness was slung messily over his shoulder. “Where’s Arthur now? Did you say something to him?”

Natalya looked uneasily at her brother, who wore an expression of shock. “I...merely spoke to him. Like everyone’s been speaking with him. But then after I apologised for my actions, he became angry that I reminded him of how the Burnish were treated, with my aid. After that, he...took off. Out of the building.”

“It’s very late,” Kiku mumbled, adjusting his glasses with a slight shake. “We can send out notices to the residents, b-”

Before he could even finish the word  _ but _ , a blur of blonde and red had zoomed past him on his usual motorcycle. Alfred streaked past him and the rest of the Burning Rescue team, the shirt somehow being put on correctly in record time. 

Before she knew it, Natalya was following him again, wind billowing in her hair and jacket, threatening to sweep her up. She heard Ivan yell for her, and the rest of the team’s calls for Alfred mingling with calls of her own name, but she ignored him. She fixated her gaze on his back, even as if he moved with unnatural speed even on his motorbike.

Alfred had been acting off after he and Arthur had saved the Earth. Instead of eating pizza with the rest of Burning Rescue or goofing off after work, it seemed like his world had revolved around the smaller man. Bringing him around to everyone he knew and chatting them up, taking him to his favourite reopened restaurants (now restaffed by multiple Burnish), even inviting him back to the Burning Rescue firehouse. Alfred himself had even told her that they were thinking of rooming together.

Natalya didn’t know what had happened between them whilst awakening Alfred de Arthur or Arthur de Alfred, but their closeness had slowly tightened its grasp on her heart. Alfred had never been interested in someone else. Not one time, from the moment they had met. That night on the ice...it had given her hope, but Arthur had stolen it away. Even if he didn’t know it. 

She hated being jealous of her closest friend, as well as the Burnish who had suffered the most out of all of them. How could she not help with the Burnish’s - no, Arthur’s - rescue? 

But now, she thought despairingly, as Alfred’s red shirt grew farther and farther from her until it was a scarlet speck amidst the orange horizon of Promepolis, she would never catch up to him and Arthur. 

Natalya let herself continue to follow in the road he had left in his wake, before breaking off into a side road to catch her breath. It was the saddened, deflated rhythm of her green eyed heart ringing hollowly in her chest that forced her back to her senses. Adjusting her ponytail, she filtered back onto the street, locking her motorbike.

“Excuse me, sir, have you seen someone come through here in a rush? He looks like...”

* * *

The lake peeked gingerly through the trees as Alfred tore off his gloves and almost fell over in his mad scramble to the water. Familiar stones and shrubbery fell into a blur; he barely heard his heavy breathing and heartbeat thrumming in his ears over the soft splashing of the waves. 

Arthur.  _ Arthur Arthur Arthur _ . Where was he? “OI, ARTHUR!” 

His voice resonated around the clearing, but there wasn’t any response other than the rustling of the water lapping at the edge. Another moment, another cry for him. “Hey Arthur, this isn’t funny!”

“...” Then he was there, drenched blond hair clinging to his ears and his Burning Rescue jacket soaked, wearing a small smile. He even had the gall to  _ wave  _ as Alfred splashed into the water, reminding him of a huge dog in the way his puffy pants floundered and his scrunched up face. “It seemed quite funny to me, Alfred -  _ unf _ !” 

“Oh geez, Arthur, I was going absolutely stir wild on that bike,” Alfred grumbled, yanking Arthur’s face into his chest, “You are  _ gonna  _ have to pay for Pizza Tuesday. No ifs or buts, the  _ ENTIRE  _ bill. Giving me such a heart attack!”

Arthur couldn’t help but flush. Of course, they had had more...intimate contact, but he hadn’t thought of it much that night in the chamber. “W-wait up, Alfred, back up a little, would you? Big hunk. I’m making your clothes all wet.”

“Stop trying to distract me, man,” Alfred huffed, peering closer into his eyes with an intensity that made Arthur shiver once. “Oi, Arthur. I heard about what happened with Braginsky. Tell me about it.”

Arthur looked away again, pursuing his lips tightly together. “Arthur,” Alfred continued, touching him gently on the left side of his face. One more touch, this time with the tips of his fingers, to regain eye contact. “You know you can trust me. I have your back. C’mon, tell me what happened.”

“The whole Warp Drive. Watching all the Burnish suffer. Him apologising for it. Living in a society that now reveres me instead of wanting to destroy me.” Arthur spat, clenching his wet fist in barely concealed rage. “Losing my powers as a Burnish. I’ve had to live in this world in one way, and now I’ve had to learn another way all of a sudden. It makes me frustrated, angry and-”

“Scared.” Alfred’s mouth closed on the word like it had closed on Arthur’s flame that night, urgent in its purpose. “You’re scared, aren’t you?”

Arthur looked down at where the tips of their feet met underneath the surface, watching his own conflicted reflection flutter along with his heartbeat. “...Yes.”

“Arthur,” Alfred murmured, his voice achingly delicate. Arthur blinked once, glassy eyes sending a ripple into the water. “I don’t understand, I never will. This new world is super different to your previous life, but you’re strong. Don’t forget all the stuff you went through. You’re not alone. You have me, and the rest of the Burning Rescue, as well as your ex Burnish pals.”

_ I didn’t mean...no, I shouldn’t have taken it out on the doctor.  _ “I’m...sorry,” Arthur said, his voice wavering then steadying out when he looked into Alfred’s clear eyes. Blue and firm with resolve. Blue, like the sky he had fought for all the Burnish to live peaceful underneath. “I’ll go back and apologise to the doctor right now. I don’t wish to be a burden.”

“Hey,” Alfred said, smiling effortlessly. The bed of the lake stirred up slightly as he moved closer to Arthur, running a damp hand through his sweat soaked hair. “Arthur. Did you seriously think I’d let you crash on my bed if you were a burden? Show you all the awesome pizza spots in Promepolis? Hell, even saved your  _ life  _ by lighting my first fire? Nah, I don’t think so. You’re not a burden to anyone, especially me. Don’t ever think that.”

The grey colours of the chamber danced in Arthur’s mind once more - it had hardly been the first time he had replayed that scene in his mind. The agony of feeling his body burn out, the muffled sounds of Alfred’s voice, the heat of his skin on his own. The steady, tiny hum of Promare flame in his cupped hands.

The moment their lips touched.

It was such a faint moment, and his senses were so dulled that it had fallen into a blur before he had regained consciousness. Even  _ that _ had been in his arms, leading Arthur to believe it had been real after all. 

They had laughed about the very same lake they were submerged in two weeks ago. Alfred was telling a story about how he and Natalya had fallen into a heap on top of the ice, bodies ‘uncomfortably’ close as he had put it. He hadn’t said  _ anything  _ about the kiss, other than relighting his first fire. He had thought that Alfred would have been his mortal enemy, but…

“Alfred,” Arthur said after a moment, a new sort of fire reigniting itself in his chest. “Alfred, I...I want to ask you something.”

“Huh? Yeah, go on.” 

_ Let’s burn the world together.  _

“That night in the chamber. I know that you rescued me, and saved my life, but...you did it through the mouth to mouth method?” Confusion splayed itself over Alfred’s features for a moment before he nodded, cowlick bouncing in confirmation. “And then you’ve made such an effort to accommodate me these few weeks, and I…”

“Hey, Arthur,” Alfred laughed, patting his tense shoulder with his medical sleeved arm. “You’re kinda blushing. It’s cute.”

Arthur felt the fire lick its way up to his ears, coating them red in embarrassment. “Listen, Mr World's #1 Firefighting Idiot. I just wanted to ask...it wasn’t just a procedure for you, right?” 

“What do you mean?” Alfred piped up, after a long silence. “I’m a member of Burning Rescue. It was my job, I guess. Was it too fast of me?”   


... _ Oh.  _ For how hungrily the fire had advanced, it snapped shut, pierced by the ice bullet of forlornness. Arthur stood there, feeling the ice spikes take hold again, embedding themselves into his heart and trapping him into its clutches. In a twisted way, freezing himself into ice felt more secure against Alfred’s burning soul. 

_ So this is what it feels like to be a Promare flame put out.  _

“...” Arthur swallowed once, his hands dithering to his sides and skimming the water, breaking its surface again without the use of his tears. “...No, it was not. You did what was necessary to save my life, and I’m thankful as a part of your firefighting and rescue work. I just wanted to ask. Thank you, truly, for your service.”

He fought back the bitter spur of disappointment as he started trudging through the water again to return to the surface. “Sorry, Alfred. For making you do all these things for me.” The ice climbed faster still, enveloping his blazing feelings in their consuming chill, blurring out whatever flame he had allowed himself to foster. “I’ll be sure to keep my distance after we finish rebuilding Promepolis. I...thank you for believing in me.”

Alfred’s arms wrapped around his torso. The fire seared his skin, sending goosebumps up his forearms and traitorous hope throughout his entire body.  _ No _ , Arthur tried to reason with himself,  _ he’s not coming back for me. I can’t have my feelings burst into flame then flicker out.  _ Paradoxically in that moment, Arthur wanted nothing more to encase himself in ice to protect himself from the flames that he so adored. 

“Don’t, Arthur,” Alfred breathed, then Arthur could feel the heat from his breath and his soul festering underneath the thin barriers between them. “Please, don’t. Don’t ever disappear on me. Don’t go where I can’t walk your path with you.”

“It was just a procedure,” Arthur said weakly, fists clenching in tension. “I was just someone to help with your repentance. I’m-”

“Yeah, I did it to save your life!” Alfred said, then he positioned himself in front of Arthur, large ripples fanning out from behind him. “Of course it was just a procedure. But everything else after it wasn’t. I saved your life because I wanted...no, I  _ needed  _ you to stay. I couldn’t let you turn into ashes.”

Arthur closed his eyes, fighting back the tears hanging off his lashes, wrapping his ice armour even tighter around himself. “You just wanted us to remain friends after losing the Promare. I can’t have that anymore. After spending time with you doing the most insane things I never imagined doing, I can’t be by your side the way you want me to. This is why I don’t tell you everything, because I don’t want you to see the true, selfish side of me.”

The next sensation he felt wasn’t dulled by dying, by smoke and mirrors, nor by flame. A kiss, the same one that had saved his life, filled with heat and passion and a firefighter’s soul. Alfred’s lips, seeking his once more, hands around his arms and gently unclasping his ice armour, piece by piece. Melting the ice around him - legs, torso, chest, heart, neck, cheek, lips - for once and for all.

Alfred broke away slowly, panting and sending warm billows of air into the atmosphere. Arthur studied his own reflection in Alfred’s eyes - his lips slightly ajar, expression tinged with shock, cheeks stained with his touch. Waiting like a hope filled fool.

Alfred exhaled once, holding Arthur’s cold hand to his chest. “That’s how I want to be by your side,” he whispered, as if the sentence harnessed a deep secret. “If you’re not with me, I know my passion will consume me in the end without your ice saving me. I’ll keep my distance until we know we won’t destroy each other. But please, stay with me, until I can hold you tight without hurting you.”

In the lake where he had first met the burning soul that possessed Alfred, by touching his other hand, Arthur began to learn about another type of warmth. One that would consume, but not turn either of them into ashes. 


End file.
